For the Love of Rum
by kitsuneshadow47
Summary: So Naruto, Sasuke, and Lee get dragged off to this island for some dumb mission. But not just any island-PORT ROYAL: home of the Pirates of the Caribbean. Look! Naru's having his first rum and oh... O.o Showdown: pirates...vs. NINJAS. SasuNaru. XD ENJOY!


**For the Love of Rum**

**Pairing: **SasuNaru ^^

**Genre: **Humor/Romance

**Warnings: **Pirates (Jack Sparrow FTW XD), rum (lots and lots of it! OwO), some CRACK XD, a little OOC…or maybe a lot n.n" (Don't mock me! X3), and HOT, smexy YAOI ^w^.

**Author's Notes: **So I'm sitting in Bio class with Silver when we're working on our GIGANTIC cancer research paper… . Ah…BIO. XD Anyways—I, tending to get bored easily, couldn't focus at all on our project. XD So—as usual, my brain was literally screaming: "SasuNaru! Yaoi! Citrus! …**FLUFFINESS!**" ^^" And then…it hit me—LITERALLY. XD And the impact was so hard it actually made a dent in my poor excuse of a brain. XD Hey—did this question ever pop up in your head? _Who would win in a battle: __**pirates**__…or __**ninjas**__? _I, being a BIG Naruto fan, personally thought that ninjas would win (sorry to all of you who are Jack Sparrow fans n.n")…and then---a plot bunny hopped right into my poor excuse of a brain XD and…BAM! This whole story came up in the dark corners of my mind XD Haha—who would've thought spacing out could be so much fun? X3

**Disclaimer: **No, I don't own Naruto…but Sasuke can! XD

It was late in the afternoon, and Lady Tsunade was filing massive stacks of papers on her desk, deep in thought at the same time. A few hours ago, she had to deal with a huge incident involving a recent overseas delivery with one of the closest trading partners of Konoha. Two days ago, five cargo ships had been sent to the Land of Tea, carrying spices, herbs, and liquor to trade in exchange for their extraordinary tea and delectable rice. However…for some reason…they had never reached their destination. The next morning, one ship was found in the middle of the sea, its crew seriously injured and unconscious and its insides ransacked. But the most surprising thing was that no remaining traces of the culprits were found…except for a unique symbol that had been carved onto the side of the ship that looked like a skull with an X crossed over it…

This odd emblem had been speculated for a while now, but its meaning had still remained unknown. However, a few minutes ago, Shizune had come to the Fifth Hokage's office, holding a book she had uncovered from one of the deepest parts of the library. She had marked a specific page and showed it to Lady Hokage. It contained a picture portraying a symbol that looked very much alike to the one that was found on the ship, as well as background information on it. It seemed that the skull icon was actually the emblem of a notorious group of bandits known as the **Pirates of the Caribbean**, who lived on a secret island known as **Port Royal**.

The book had no specific data on the island's whereabouts, except that it was located in uncharted waters. Shizune, being the expert as she was, did some extra research on Port Royal and was able to get some ideas on its location. From the information that she had collected, the island could be pinpointed somewhere between the Fire Country and the Land of Tea. This also made it clear that the Pirates of the Caribbean were the ransackers of Konoha's cargo ships.

Tsunade had sent a team of three out to search for this…"Port Royal". Their mission was to locate and if possible, spy on the Pirates of the Caribbean, as well as return to Konoha with more background information on them. Lady Hokage had picked three of her best shinobi for the mission, confident of their success…or maybe _too _confident. Anyway, this three-man team consisted of…

~O~

"Sasuke!" Naruto whined. "Are we there yet?"

The raven sighed and rolled his eyes. "For the umpteenth time, dobe, _**no.**_"

The blonde groaned. "But I'm _so _bored and I haven't eaten lunch yet…"

"That's _your _problem. You're the one who wanted to come on this mission in the first place. …and you even dragged _me _along with you. So suck it up."

Naruto groaned again. "Gah!"

"…and it's not like _I _want to be here either. I mean, right now, I'd really prefer sleeping over at your apartment for the night."

The kitsune sighed. "Teme—you know you can't do that. Kiba's already bunking in tonight. …and you know how anal he gets when _you're _around."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "That son of a bitch? What the hell's his problem now?"

The blonde rolled his eyes. "Oh, the usual—Shino's being a little too…manipulative and reserved. You know, this time—he just came in with a bottle of whiskey in his hand and plopped down on the couch in front of my TV as if it was _his _humble abode."

"If it's that bad, then why can't you just kick him out like the dog he is?"

Naruto gulped. "Wish I could, but I can't…'cause if I did, he'd just tell Shino, and…and…"

The raven waited eagerly.

"…_BAD, BAD THINGS._" The blonde shuddered. "Remember when you broke Kiba's nose after he grabbed my ass at Ichiraku's?"

Sasuke smirked at the memory. "Yeah. He couldn't breathe out of that thing for weeks." He turned to look at the dobe again, but only found him huddled in one corner of the ship, biting his fingers and rocking himself in a fetal position. "Th-they were…everywhere…EVERYWHERE!"

The raven rolled his eyes and sighed.

At that moment, the kitsune's stomach growled. "Gah! Damn granny who had to frickin' give me this frickin' mission!"

"Naruto!" a tall black-haired guy with bushy eyebrows interrupted. "You should not even be complaining about this! You should be thankful that Lady Hokage was nice enough to even give you this mission!"

The kitsune sulked. _Nice? _"Oh, shut up, Bushy Brow! That old grandma's never _nice _to me!"

The raven sighed at his teammate in annoyance. _Why, God? Why the hell did you have to pair me with this…this __**idiot**__? _"Damn it, Naruto—why don't you shut up first? If you're so fuckin' hungry, why don't you eat one of those giant soldier pills Sakura made for you?"

Naruto immediately shrank back in disbelief. "You bastard! Have you lost your friggin' mind? Those aren't soldier pills! They're…they're death packed up in a ball!" The blonde cringed at the thought of eating one.

Lee's eyes widened. "Hey! Do not criticize Sakura's cooking! You're lucky she made some for you!"

The blonde glared at the busy-browed ninja. "What's wrong? She didn't give _you _any?"

Rock Lee flinched at the comment. "N-no…" he sighed and sulked. "But we _are _going on a date after this!"

Naruto groaned again. "Gah! I don't have time to listen to your relationship issues!"

Sasuke scratched his head impatiently. "This is _your _fault for being such a dobe."

The kitsune turned to the raven and narrowed his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean, teme!?"

The Uchiha exhaled sharply. "If you're just going to keep whining, then why don't you just go back? You're only going to make this mission longer than it's supposed to be."

The blonde's eyes bulged. "Is that so, Mr. I-have-a-stick-shoved-up-my-ass? Fine! If you want me to be useful, then I'll just look for this fuckin' island!" He looked out on the side of the ship, but saw nothing but fog. "Grr..what island is even shaped like a friggin' skull?" The kitsune narrowed his eyes.

After a few minutes, Sasuke sighed, walked over next to Naruto, and pointed straight ahead. "You mean that one?"

The kitsune squinted through the fog to see a faint image of what looked like…a black skull. He growled and glared at the raven. "Grr…don't stifle my enthusiasm with your frickin' Sharingan!"

The Uchiha smirked. "I didn't even have to use it."

The blonde's eyes widened when he looked at Sasuke's eyes, still as coal-black as ever. "Gah!"

Lee stood next to his teammates. "All right, then! Let us move onward!"

_(Port Royal)_

The three shinobi looked around after landing on a nearby dock. What they could see was some sort of town with many buildings, huts, and fisheries. At this time, it was dark and they only things they could see clearly were a nearby plaza and the streetlights decorating it.

Sasuke sighed. "Well then—let's get this stupid mission done and over with."

The two ravens began walking towards the plaza, but the blonde stayed where he was. "Hold on a sec."

The two turned to look at the kitsune. "What?" asked the Uchiha.

Naruto thought for a moment, then spoke. "This town is too big. If we stay together the whole time, it'll take forever for us to find those frickin' pirates. I say we split up."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow and looked back at the town of Port Royal. "Hn. …you know what, dobe? That's the best thing you've ever said this whole time."

The blonde grinned smugly.

"…but do you really think you'll be okay…all by yourself?"

Naruto shrank back. "Of course I am, you bastard! I'm not friggin' five years old!"

The raven smirked. "Hn. …then you better act your age…and not do anything stupid. Do you understand, dobe?"

"Heh. Loud and clear, teme."

Sasuke nodded with some form of consent. "Fine. Naruto, you search the west side. Lee, you take the east. And me…I'll check up north."

"Then it is settled!" announced the bushy-browed ninja. "Onward with the springtime of youth!" He lifted his thumb and grinned proudly, his teeth gleaming.

The raven and blonde stared at Lee.

"Do you ever stop saying that?" the Uchiha asked. "You know what, never mind. Let's go." He turned to face his teammates. "We'll meet up back here in fifteen minutes…unless one of you manages to find these…'pirates'. Until then—you better be in one piece after this is over." He shifted his eyes to Naruto. "_Both _of you. Is that clear?"

"Yes!" the two replied.

The raven sighed. For a minute, he actually looked a little…tense at the thought of leaving the blonde all by himself. But then, he shook the thought off his mind. Why does he even bother?

The Uchiha looked to his right to see that the bushy-browed ninja had already taken off. He was about to leave, too, when he felt a nudge on his shoulder.

"…ne, Sasuke?" Naruto asked playfully.

The raven turned, only to have his lips briefly meet soft, tan ones. His eyes widened in surprise.

The kitsune pulled back with a grin on his face. "Heh. Really sorry about this, teme. Some other time, okay?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes at the blonde.

"See ya!" The dobe teleported out of the dock area.

The Uchiha briefly touched his lips, then thought and chuckled to himself. "…that dobe." He ran off to the plaza.

~O~

Naruto snickered to himself. "I didn't think he would actually fall for that one! As if I'd give a damn about how long it takes to finish this frickin' mission! I don't even care if it takes us all night! I just need some lunch, that's all!"

He stopped for a moment. "Although…it might not be a bad idea to look for those fuckin' pirates at the same time…" The blonde thought for a minute. _What did Granny tell me again before I left? …let's see…_ he pondered, referring back to his flashback. _…they have these patches on their eyes…say 'Argh!' a lot…have hooks for hands and wooden sticks for legs…like treasure…smell like dead fish and vomit…and have parrots on their shoulders._ Naruto paused. "Who the hell would look _that _stupid?" _Well…they __**do **__live an island that's shaped like a skull… _

He sighed and looked around._ "_Now where can I find something good to eat?" The kitsune continued to walk until something caught his eye. An isolated brick building at the end of the road with big neon lettering lighting the front.

Naruto squinted. "**P**ete's **I**rate **R**estaurant **a**nd **t**he **E**atery?" He looked below it to see smaller signs. "What the--? **Wear Ganakilya**? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He looked down at his orange jumpsuit and slightly pulled at it. "…does _this _count as 'Ganakilya'?" The blonde thought for a moment, until bigger lettering caught his attention: FOOD SERVED HERE.

The kitsune scratched his head. "Well, that didn't take long!" He immediately rushed towards the brick building.

~O~

Sasuke looked around the plaza for any clues on where the Pirates of the Caribbean might be. But so far, there was nothing. The raven sighed, and took out the picture Tsunade had given him before they left. She had told him that the man depicted was the present leader of the Pirates of the Caribbean. But when he actually looked at how far-fetched this guy was, he couldn't help but snicker a little. _Eye patches? Peg legs? Hn. You wouldn't get me out in public looking this stupid. Even if…even if it meant…_ He smirked to himself. _Getting seven whole hours of sexy time with dobe…no, twelve hours. …although…I could reconsider on that offer…that is, if it actually existed._

The Uchiha shook his head_. Hold on--did I actually get sidetracked there? Ahh—this is all your fault, dobe. …better concentrate on this first_. He looked around him, referring back to the picture every few seconds. Until something caught his eye.

The raven turned to see a flyer tacked to a nearby piece of fencing. It read: WANTED: CAPT. JACK SPARROW OF THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN--**Reward: 100,000 pieces of gold.**

_That was easy. _Sasuke squinted at the poster, then looked down at the picture he was holding, and back again. The guy on this flyer looked absolutely nothing like the one Lady Tsunade had described. This guy didn't have a single eye patch or hooks for hands or a parrot on his shoulder…but he _did _have the same hair. To top it off, the picture he was holding looked like it had been taken ten years ago.

The raven sighed. _Way to throw us off, bitch. Please tell me he didn't actually pay attention to her that time…or did he? _He tore the flyer off the fencing and ran back to the dock. _It's about time anyway, and I doubt those two have found anything yet…_

~O

"This is it!" the blonde said to himself. He was just about to go in when a hand grabbed his shoulder.

"Gah!" the kitsune whirled around, only to see a raven with bushy eyebrows. "Phew! Oh, Lee—it's just you. Thank God. For a second I thought you were—'

Lee raised an eyebrow. "Who?"

The blonde immediately shrank back and raised his hands. "Oh, no one! No one!"

The bushy-browed ninja tilted his head at the awkward gesture. "Anyway, I guess I was right coming here. There weren't any pirates on the East Side…" he trailed off after noticing the brick building the kitsune was about to enter. "Oh! I see you've chosen this place to investigate! Let us go in together!"

The blonde froze. "What! No, I—" he stopped in mid-sentence. _You know what? He doesn't even have a clue of why I'm actually here… _The blue-eyed shinobi glanced at the grinning raven. _I guess I can go along with this…yeah—that'll work. _

"All right!" Naruto agreed. He turned to enter the restaurant.

"Hey, guys!" he yelled after barging in.

Suddenly, it was silent.

The kitsune opened his eyes to see big, gruff men sitting down at small tables, glaring at him with disdain and malice.

"Hey, Naruto," Lee whispered. "Are you sure it was the best idea to just barge in like that?"

The blonde narrowed his eyes. "Shut up, Bushy Brow." He turned to face the discontented group of burly men, who were still glaring at him. "Uh…"

Suddenly, a tall, skinny man broke the silence. "It's all right, fellas. Carry on."

The crowd turned to face the man and after a few minutes, continued what they were doing before the blonde had come in.

He then walked over to the two shinobi. From the looks of it, this guy was the owner of the joint. He was wearing a red bandanna on his head and had long, dark brown hair. "Hello there, boys. What can I do for you?"

Naruto was about to open his mouth when the bushy-browed raven interrupted. "We are looking for the Pirates of the Caribbean and their leader, Jack Sparrow! They have stolen the spices of our village and ransacked our cargo ships! Have you seen them anywhere?" Lee blurted out.

At that moment, the man raised an eyebrow out of curiosity. "Spices? …and pirates, eh?"

The blonde rolled his eyes at Rock Lee. _…way to be subtle now, Bushy Brow._

The restaurant owner mused. "Hmm…sorry, lads--never heard of such a thing. Anyway—you two look like you haven't had anything to eat in days." He gestured to a counter in the front. "How about some grub, eh?"

Before Lee could reply, Naruto immediately rushed over to the counter. "Sure! Gee--thanks, buddy! I'm _starving_…" He sat down on a nearby stool. The bushy-browed ninja did the same.

"Name's Jacques—erm…Robin. I'm the uh…owner of this dump," the latter took his place behind the counter. "So what can I get you fellas?"

The kitsune thought for a minute. "Hmm…you wouldn't happen to have any…ramen, now would you?"

The latter shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry—we're fresh out."

"…then what do you have?" Lee asked.

The man pondered for a moment. "Uh…let's see…uh…we got bread…and…fish…and…oh--more bread."

The blonde raised an eyebrow and looked at his teammate. "Uh…okay then. We'll just have two loaves of bread and…two fish, I guess."

The owner grinned sheepishly. "Excellent choice." He left to fill their orders.

As the man walked to the back kitchen, Naruto couldn't help but notice something…suspicious about him. …his hair, perhaps? No—there's bound to be a ton of people out there with hair like that. Maybe he was just being a little paranoid…

At that moment, the man came back with two glasses. "Here you go."

The two shinobi stared at the glasses on the table. Each one was filled to the rim with a dark, red liquid.

"Um…excuse me?" Lee asked the owner.

"Yes?" the long-haired man replied. "Is there a problem, lads?"

"Uh…no." Naruto continued. "Just curious, but…" He lifted up his glass. "What is exactly is this?"

The owner glanced at the blonde's glass. "What? Oh, that's just rum."

"Rum?"

"Yeah—it's an…appetizer. You know—something to keep you busy while you're waiting for your food."

"Really?"

"…yeah, really."

The kitsune stared at the odd liquid and shifted his eyes to his teammate. "Hehe…so…do you wanna try it first?"

Lee hesitated for a minute. "Uh…maybe you should try it first."

The blonde thought, then smirked at the bushy-browed raven. "What's wrong, Bushy Brow? Not manly enough to take this thing?"

Lee immediately shrank back. "What! No—of course not!" He glanced at the beverage. "Well…how about you? If you think I'm not tough enough, then why don't you take the first sip?"

"What!? No, you go first!"

"No—you!"

"You go first!"

"You go first!"

"No, you go first!"

"Hell no!"

"I OBJECT!"

"No—you!"

"No, you!"

"No, yo—"

"All right, all right," Jacques Robin interrupted. "From the looks of it, I guess you two haven't tried rum, eh?"

Both shook their heads slowly.

The owner sighed. "All right then—congratulations-you're about to try it for the first time." He turned and poured another glass of the dark red liquid. "I'll even drink a glass with you, eh?"

"Uh…"

Naruto laughed nervously. "Could you excuse us for a second? He grabbed Lee's hand and pulled him to the corner of the room.

"Whaddaya think, Bushy Brow? Can we trust him?"

Lee thought for a moment, then spoke. "I guess so. He does not look very hostile to me, nor has he done anything to harm us at all. He looks friendly to me."

The blonde paused and glanced back at Jacques Robin. "Er…all right then, Bushy Brow. If you say he's okay, then I say he's okay, too. Besides—it's just one drink, right?"

"Right!"

The two Konoha shinobi walked back to the counter.

"Okay!" Naruto began. "We'll try it!"

The long-haired man smirked. "All right then." He held up his glass.

The latter did the same, each one staring nervously at the dark red liquid.

"Bottoms up, then." Jacques Robin was just about to take the first sip, when he noticed the worried expressions on each ninja's face.

"Uh… Hmm. How about on three?"

"That will work," Rock Lee nodded.

"All right then."

The two gulped.

"One…two…er…two and a half………**three!**"

All three men imbibed the dark red beverage.

Naruto and Rock Lee sighed as they put their glasses down.

Jacques Robin did the same. "Ahh…" He looked at the latter. "Savvy, eh?"

The blonde smacked his lips. It tasted somewhat…bitter, but at the same time so…_good. _He turned to look at his teammate, only to see that his cheeks had flushed a bright pink. "Hey—Bushy Brow—you okay over there?"

No response.

The restaurant owner smirked. "Well then—I take it that you boys don't like it?" He looked to his right. "Your meals should be ready by now. Would you rather I go and get them?"

Naruto opened his mouth to speak, but suddenly…

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Lee burst out into laughter, banging the counter with his fists. "Are you kidding me!? Please give me another glass, Jacques Robin!"

Robin and the kitsune stared in disbelief at the bushy-browed ninja.

Then, the long-haired man smirked. "All right then, lad." He turned to the blonde. "How about you, boy? Unless you'd rather fancy having your bread and fish right now, eh?"

"Uh…I think I'll just…" Suddenly, Naruto felt his cheeks burning. Then, he could feel his head getting a little…light. Next…

"Hahahahaha!" the kitsune guffawed and sighed. He turned to Robin. "You know what? I think I'll have another one, too! Put her there, buddy!"

Jacques couldn't help but chuckle to himself. "I thought so." _This is getting easier than I thought…_

~O~

Sasuke walked up the dock, searching for his teammates. But they were nowhere to be found.

The raven sighed and scratched his head. "I just _wonder_…" He continued to look around, but he still couldn't find any trace of the two.

This gave him no choice. The Uchiha closed his eyes and concentrated. After a few seconds, he opened them again, revealing piercing red irises with three black commas on each eye.

_Now where could those two have… _Sasuke thought, until he could see two very familiar traces of chakra. _There. _He ran off, following the trail he found.

_(Two hours later)_

"AHAHAHAHAHA!" Lee snorted, his face pinker than ever.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Naruto guffawed, his fists banging the table.

Jacques Robin smirked at the two heavily drunk ninjas. In the past two hours, they had imbibed 147 glasses of rum…_each_. After every glass, they would continue to ask for more of the bittersweet liquid, no matter how dizzy or light-headed they now felt. Even Robin got a little drunk himself from drinking along with them. But he didn't feel as delusional or intoxicated as they did, for he was used to drinking vast amounts of rum. Right now, he was literally _used_ to drinking this stuff, so he still had at least a little bit of sanity left.

At that moment, it was just the three of them, since everyone was so startled at the two intoxicated shinobi that they quickly left the restaurant without a sound.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Naruto and Rock Lee chortled and sighed.

"Well, lads? Had enough yet?"

Both slammed their glasses down on the counter.

"Are _you _kidding ME?" the drunk Lee drawled.

"Of course not! Give us some more, _lady_!" the blonde honked.

The restaurant owner turned and held up the empty bottle. "Sorry, lads. We've run out." He smirked and gestured once again to the back kitchen. "I'll go get us some more, eh? You two just sit back and uh…relax." He left with a sinister grin on his face. _Yeah…_

The two drunk ninjas sat there in silence…until Naruto finally broke it. He slapped his arm around Lee's shoulders. "Oi, Bushy Brow!" the kitsune slurred.

"Yeah?"

"I feel _so _happy right now!"

"Yeah? Me too!" Lee guffawed.

"But you know what's missing?"

"What?"

"You know!"

"Huh?"

"Him!"

"…"

"I'm talkin' about that bastard, Sasuke Uchiha! Grr…teme totally abandoned us! He should be here with us having the frickin' time of his life!"

"Hmm…now that you think of it…"

"Heh. But you know what I think, Bushy Brow?"

"What?"

"I bet he's probably out getting that stick surgically removed from his ass like I told him to! That clever bastard!" Naruto snorted and picked up his glass. "To teme! Wherever the hell he is!" He laughed and finished the remnants of his rum with a huge gulp. Lee did the same, and both slapped their glasses down on the wooden counter, sighing in relief.

"Ahh…" Rock Lee sighed and looked at his teammate for a moment…until something seemed to have caught his attention. "…hey, Naruto?"

"Yeah?"

"…you got a little something by your mouth." The bushy-browed ninja pointed.

"What?" the latter replied, a little baffled by the remark. "Oh!" he guffawed and licked the outer part of his mouth. "There we go!"

"…er…it's still there…"

Naruto shrank back with a confused expression on his face. Then he pointed to another area. "Here?"

"No. A little to the left."

The blonde moved his hand. "Here?"

"No."

Naruto raised an eyebrow and moved his hand again. "How about here?"

"No. Here!"

The kitsune licked the area once more. "Did I get it, Bushy Brow?"

"No!" Lee stood up and leaned over the blue-eyed ninja. "Here—let me get it for you…whoa!" He tripped on his stool and fell on top of the blonde.

The two were now laying on the floor…Lee's lips locked with tan ones. Both now had surprised expressions on their faces, eyes bulging.

It was like this for two silent minutes, until the bushy-browed ninja clumsily pulled back.

"Whoops! Sorry about that!" Rock Lee apologized.

The kitsune sputtered. "Sorry!? You idiot, what that fuck did you just d—" He suddenly broke off mid-sentence.

Rock Lee stared, puzzled by this abrupt pause. He eyed the latter suspiciously. "Hey, Naruto…are you sick or something?"

In an instant, the blonde's face flushed an even brighter pink. "Uh…" The blonde giggled, his head as light as a cloud. "…hee-hee…hey…Bushy Brow?"

"Yah?"

The kitsune giggled again and briefly licked his lips, tasting a hint of…bittersweetness. "…hahaha…why do your lips taste so…so…_good?_" He shifted his gaze towards Lee, who was confused by this far-fetched question.

"Huh? What the hell are you talking about?"

Naruto smirked, now intoxicated more than ever. "…do it again."

Rock Lee shrank back in disbelief, but half giddy…or maybe more than _half._ "What!?" he slurred.

The blonde guffawed and snorted. "You heard me, you silly goose!"

The bushy-browed ninja gave him 'the look'. "Huh…? But why do you wanna…" After a minute, he shrank back at the thought that had just appeared out of nowhere and totally raped his poor, alcohol-influenced brain. "Hey!" Lee glared at the snickering latter. "I am _not _gay, you fuckin' pervert!"

He looked up and pounded his chest with one of his fists. "I am perfectly _straight, _and proud of it!" He scoffed, which was probably too much for his drunken state, and stumbled backward. "…and besides! I've got a supah-hot girlfriend just _waitin' _back home to get laid by _moi_!" The bushy-browed ninja chortled, spilling saliva all over the place. He stopped when he noticed that some had gotten on Naruto's pants. "Oops—sorry, buddy. Let me get that for you…"

Lee grabbed a napkin from the counter and reached over to wipe the wet spot, but he only ended up falling on top of the blonde again.

"Ow! Bushy Brow--! What the fuck do you think you're doing!?"

The latter mumbled something unintelligible in the kitsune's chest and raised his head. "I got spit on your pants. Now let me wipe it off—" He reached down until his hand made contact with "the spot", which made Naruto stiffen.

"Oi! What the hell--!? Don't friggin' touch me there, you friggin' man-whore!"

Lee froze. "Do you _want _it to look like you just whizzed yourself? Fine! Be my guest!" He began to stand up, but only ended up falling on the blonde again.

"_OW! _What's your fuckin' problem!?"

"Sorry," the latter apologized, rubbing his…bottom.

The kitsune groaned in pain. "…_jeez, _Bushy Brow—and on _that_ spot, too…"

Lee sighed and looked at the stool next to him. "Sorry, Naruto. Here—I'll try to get up again—and I'll even hold on to this stool." He grabbed onto the wooden piece of furniture.

"Wait—" the blonde began, but broke off mid-sentence when the latter fell on him again. "Gah!"

"Oops—sorry again." Rock Lee made another attempt to stand up, but once more collapsed on the most uncomfortable spot his teammate could ever imagine.

"**OW! **Bushy Brow—"

But he only apologized again, and held on to the stool.

Thud.

"Gah!"

Thump.

"Aahh!"

Thud.

"Will you just—"

Thump.

"_God, _my balls—"

Thud.

"Bushy Brow, I _swear_—"

_**SLAM.**_

Naruto growled. "You bastard, I'm gonna—" He broke off mid-sentence when Lee fell once more and accidentally locked lips with the blonde. Rock Lee pulled back. "I'm really sorry about that, Naruto."

The latter flushed a bright pink again from the taste of the bittersweet remnants of rum from the bushy-browed ninja's lips. He paused, then finally broke the silence. "Oh, just get on with it, you fuckin' idiot!" He immediately wrapped his arms around Rock Lee's neck and pulled him close.

The bushy-browed ninja was caught off guard for a moment. But then, something made him feel…this warm…_burning _sensation on the inside_. _Instantly, all thought disappeared from his mind_. _In that same minute, he closed his eyes and suddenly felt himself grab the kitsune's face earnestly, pressing his lips harder against the tan ones.

The blonde sighed and slowly ran his fingers down the bushy-browed raven's back to unzip the green spandex, while the latter made his way down the orange pants in front of him.

_(45 Minutes Later…)_

Jacques Robin was walking back, whistling a catchy tune. But he was not alone. Captain Barbossa was walking alongside with him with a scowl on his face.

"Now you're _sure _everything's gone accordingly?" grumbled the captain.

"Of course, mate," replied Jacques. "All according to plan." At that moment, he extended his hand towards the bearded man. "Now then…my pearl?" Since the guy was half-drunk, he couldn't help but grin a little at the older man.

At this point, they were standing in front of the "restaurant". Captain Barbossa turned with a smirk on his face. He reached into his pocket and took out a small, spherical, _black _object.

Robin's eyes twinkled at the sight of his valued treasure. He extended his hand even further to retrieve the black pearl, but the bearded man immediately put it back in his pocket.

The latter looked up at the discontented Jacques Robin. "After you show me how well you've done your job."

Jacques frowned.

"After all—you know how reluctant I am to having other scumbags do my dirty work…and of course—I can't trust you right away…"

The latter listened.

"…**Jack Sparrow**."

~o~

Captain Jack Sparrow grinned impishly at Barbossa. "Of course." He gestured to the entrance. "Now let's have a look then, shall we?"

The two pirates entered the building.

~o~

"Lads?" Jack called across the room. At first, he couldn't see either of the two shinobi, until he heard a low moan coming from under the counter. The long-haired pirate shifted his eyes down to see two _butt-naked _men on the floor, their bodies intertwined.

Immediately, Jack Sparrow stood there frozen, half his face already melted off from the intensity of what he was seeing right now.

Captain Barbossa couldn't believe his eyes, now utterly and completely scarred. "Mother of Pearl!" he sputtered, and turned to look at his accomplice. "What is this!? I thought I told you to get them drunk enough to get some information out of them, not so they can strip their clothes off and start making love to each other!" He shoved the latter's shoulder. "Sparrow!"

"I'll handle this." Jack walked over to where Lee and Naruto lay and nudged the bushy-browed ninja's shoulder.

Rock Lee whirled around. "Who? What? Huh? Oh, it's you! You have returned!"

Naruto guffawed. "Didja get us mo' rum, buddy?"

Jack opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out at first. He paused, then replied. "Actually…"

"Oh, for Pete's sake!" Captain Barbossa interrupted, storming across the room. He immediately pulled Lee away from the blonde. "What in Davy Jones's locker do you two think you're doin'!?"

"Hey!" the kitsune growled. "What gives _you _the right to interrupt our fun!?

"Well, let's see, boy. I am _the _Captain Barbossa, greatest pirate who's sailed these seven seas! And you, what scum are you?"

Lee scoffed. "Us? Well, _we _are super-awesome ninjas from the village of Konohagakure! Sent here especially by our Lady Hokage to stomp on you pirates!"

"Is that so?"

"Yeah!" the intoxicated blonde slurred.

"Anal, retarded sushi sellers who make loud, unnecessary battle cries and have sticks up their booties? What idiots."

"Really?" Rock Lee sniffed. "Well at least _we _don't smell like dead fish and vomit!" He gagged at the stench and deliberately pinched his nose.

"Or wear stupid eye patches on our faces and crappy sticks for legs!" the blonde added.

"Hey, hey—pipe down," Jack Sparrow interrupted. "That's no way to talk to a pirate."

"…besides," Barbossa added. "…you two must be constipated from all that _rice_ in your diet."

That last remark really ticked Naruto off. He immediately stood up and looked the bearded man in the eye. "Well…at least we're not a bunch of man-whores!"

Barbossa and Sparrow shrank back, greatly offended. "And what do you mean by that, boy?"

The blonde scoffed. "C'mon…do you ever listen to what you actually say? …_'me __**booty**__'…'yo __**ho ho**__'…'__**Shiver**__ me __**timbers**__'…_c'mon—that's all bullshit." He stumbled forward and tugged on Jack's hair. "And dude—_look _at yourselves—with your long hair and everything. Now _that's _100% whore to me.

Now _this _really pushed Captain Barbossa way over the edge, but he refused to show it. He chuckled sinisterly with a gleam in his eye, for he had a trick up his sleeve. "Well then…I guess you've won this battle…"

Lee suddenly shrieked. Naruto turned around to see a gang of big, burly, malicious pirates surrounding them with their swords in hand.

"…but you've lost the war. Men!"

The henchmen instantly formed a blockade around the two ninjas and tied them up.

"Heh. Now look who's talking." The bearded man huffed. He had this one in the bag…or so he thought.

Suddenly, the two shinobi appeared behind him with grins on their faces.

Rock Lee guffawed. "As if you would get us that easily!"

The kitsune scoffed. "Yeah! We're not a bunch of birdbrains like you!" He chortled and staggered back slightly in his drunkenness.

Barbossa growled. "Well, what are you waiting for, you scurvy dogs? Get rid of these scumbags once and for all!"

The angry mob of pirates rushed over to attack the pair of ninjas. But surprisingly, they didn't appear to be shaken by this at all and merely guffawed.

"Argh!" one pirate yelled as he swung his sword at Lee. But Lee grinned and stumbled backward.

"What the—" the pirate sputtered, repetitively swinging his weapon at the bushy-browed ninja's head. Yet none of them hit its target, for the latter continued to stumble here and there, dodging every single blow.

For Naruto, it was the same. "Whee!" the drunk blonde laughed as he staggered backward. "Catch me, Bushy Brow!"

The latter chortled and caught the light-headed kitsune by the shoulders. At that moment, a sword went flying towards Lee's forehead. But he ducked in time, the weapon piercing the wall instead.

"Heyyyyy!" the bushy-browed ninja slurred, and pulled the weapon off the wall. "What was _thaaaaaat_ foooooorrrrrrr?"

The angry mob of pirates ignored the green-clad ninja, only focused on slicing his head off. But he merely continued to dodge them unintentionally—and without a sweat. It was like the guy was a noodle, bending this way and that—a _drunk _noodle, that is.

Naruto evaded the attacks as well, then took out one of his kunai. "My turn, _**ladies**_!" the blonde drawled.

"ARGHHH!" a pirate with a huge black mustache cried, sprinting towards the blonde with his sword.

The kitsune avoided the attempted assault and giggled. "Too slow!" he slurred and clumsily threw his kunai in a random direction. The mob paused to look at the small knife flying in the air, until surprisingly…

"Agh!" a bellow was heard.

The group of pirates turned to see one of their comrades staggering forward, the kunai piercing his chest, until he finally dropped dead on the ground. The latter stood there silent, mouths gaping.

Until Rock Lee broke the silence with a guffaw. "My turn!" He turned and swung his fist at another pirate. The latter's eyes widened and he ducked to dodge the attack, but only ended up getting punched in the balls.

"Whoo-hoo!" Lee giggled , swaying side to side.

The pirate howled as he flew 10 feet across the room into a stack of barrels.

"Ahahahaha! Look, Naruto! I got him! Hahahaha!"

The mob stood frozen by the odd and superhuman strength of the intoxicated shinobi.

"…well, don't just stand there! Get them!"

Barbossa's henchmen stared at each other for a few minutes and then charged towards Naruto and Lee. "ARGGGGHHHHH!"

Lee and the blonde grinned.

The next hour consisted of several pirates getting their asses kicked by the two drunk ninjas, who quickly took down their opponents…with a smile. Finally, Captain Barbossa and Jack Sparrow were the only ones left standing—except Barbossa found himself cornered, trapped like a rat.

"Hahaha!" Lee guffawed.

Naruto squinted at the captain. "…huh…? Hmm..why does your face look so funny?..." The blonde laughed giddily.

Sweat trailed down Barbossa's face as he backed into the wall. Now he really didn't expect this to happen. He didn't expect every single one of his henchmen to get taken down so easily…especially by a bunch of kids. "Uh…now, now, young lads…don't think we can…er…uh…some _more, _er, rum?" The bearded man chuckled nervously, looking around for an escape. Unfortunately, the two Konoha shinobi only moved in even more, the dense smiles on their faces growing bigger every second.

"No, thanks! We've already had enough from our buddy, _Jacques_! Am I right?" the blonde turned to face the long-haired man.

But the latter paid no attention. From the sidelines, Jack Sparrow could see a tiny opening next to the green-clad ninja—an opportunity which he now took to retrieve his valuable black pearl from Captain Barbossa. He immediately rushed towards that opening, dagger in hand. He had this in the bag…or so he thought.

Suddenly, two strong hands gripped both his arms.

"_Heeeyyyyy!_" Rock Lee slurred. "Don't tell _me _you're a pirate, _too!_"

At that moment, the kitsune squinted at Jack Sparrow. "I already told ya before, Bushy Brow—he's a friggin' man-whore just like the rest of them." He tugged on the man's hair again. "I mean, _look at him_." Naruto sniffed the air. "And besides, can't you smell that _odor_? Geez, he doesn't smell like dead fish or vomit! He smells like a rotting carcass that just came out of the sewer! **GOD, **he even smells worse than Choji's big-ass crap in the morning!"

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Well, at least _I _have feelings, you know."

The bushy-browed ninja turned to look at Jack. "Hmm…now that you think of it…" But Lee stopped in mid-sentence when he heard a shuffle behind him.

Naruto and the green-clad ninja whirled around to see Captain Barbossa trying to make his escape. But Lee merely extended his arm and caught the pirate by the collar.

"Huuuuhhhhh? Don't _tell _me you're _ignoring _us!" He narrowed his eyes at the guy. "…are ya?"

Barbossa thought for a moment, then replied. "Uh…no." He grinned nervously.

The bushy-browed ninja raised an eyebrow. "Good!" he slurred and turned back to his teammate.

But little did he know about the dagger the sleazy captain was hiding behind his back—or did he really know that little?

Barbossa took that moment to launch a sneak attack on the two shinobi and charged, only to fail yet again.

This time, the pair did not hold back and attacked the pirate head-on with their strongest attacks.

"Leaf Hurricane!"

"Rasengan!"

_BAM! CRASH! BOOM!_

~o~

The bar was a sham. Floor boards askew, gaping holes in the walls, chairs and barrels scattered everywhere.

And on the floor, two dark, beat-up masses could be seen, one looking like he had just gotten mauled by a bear…a BIG bear with HUGE teeth and razor-sharp claws, that is…or maybe even a _rhino_.

But the kitsune and bushy-browed ninja were unharmed, stumbling in different directions and guffawing.

"Hey, Bushy-Brow? I'm so dizzy…" Naruto slurred.

"Yeah…me too…" the green-clad ninja replied.

Suddenly, the two of them began swaying until they finally dropped to the floor, not giving a damn of how or where they landed.

The blonde sighed.

~O~

Sasuke Uchiha exhaled sharply. _Should've known better than to let that dobe go off all by himself…and that other moron too…_

He stopped when he when the trail led to a beat-up building in the middle of nowhere. _Just typical of that idiot…sure, go off in the middle of nowhere to get yourself frickin' killed… _

As he got closer to the building, he found himself being blinded by a bright, colorful light (and no, it's not heaven…or hell…or purgatory…or limbo…or the Ginnungagap XD)

"Damn—what the hell—" The raven muttered, shielding his eyes with his pale hand. Then he slowly peeked through his fingers to see where this light was coming from (STILL NOT any of what was mentioned! XD) and saw several neon-lettered signs.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow incredulously at what he read. _Really now? Pshh—come on—_**'**_**P**__ete's __**I**__rate __**R**__estaurant __**a**__nd __**t**__he __**E**__atery?' '__**Wear 'Ganakilya'?' **__What the fuck is this? _He glanced at the door. _Is dobe __really__ that much of a dobe? This __**clearly **__has __**pirates**__ written all over it. It's so frickin' obvious, even a rock could notice that…and it doesn't even have eyes or a brain. I mean, look at that—they even highlighted the obvious ones: __**P-I-R-a-t-E **__and 'Wear Ganakilya'? More like '__**We're gonna kill ya' **__to me… _He sighed and looked back at the chakra trail with his Sharingan. _Well…my eyes don't lie…unless…I __**want **__them to…_

The Uchiha rolled his eyes. _I'm gonna kill him……….unless the pirates have already— _He stared at the entrance. _**Shit—**__please don't tell me I'm right on this one… _The latter carefully pressed his ear against the door. _It's so frickin' quiet—what could possibly have—unless…it's a setup._

Sasuke took a kunai from his back pocket and leaned against the wall. Then, he spotted a tiny crack in the wall and peered through it. _No sign of them…or their chakra…if pirates have any. Anyway, here goes—_

"OW!" a familiar voice howled.

The raven immediately shrank back. _What the—dobe?_

"Ohoho, **GOD**, that HURTS!"

The Uchiha raised an eyebrow. _What the fuck—_

"**OW!" **the voiced howled again.

_What's going on— _Sasuke suddenly stopped mid-thought. _Are they…are they __**torturing **__him?_

"Oh, _goddamn _it, STOP!"

The raven stiffened. _Is it really THAT bad? Although…dobe __never__ yells out in pain like that…except when I'm— _He smirked at the thought, then suddenly his eyes widened. _Unless they're—_

"Fuck! GOD—my frickin' balls!"

Sasuke immediately froze at that last comment. _Oh no—oh __**hell no. **_He turned back towards the small crack in the wall. _They're raping him…or maybe even worse…_

"NO! NO! Stop!"

The Uchiha gulped. _…or maybe…__**they're castrating his balls. **__What kind of pirates are they? To strip away one of the only things a man knows and loves—now that's just __**sick. **_His eyes bulged. _No! Like hell I'll let that happen! That would ruin __everything__!_ The latter peered through the crack again, then noticed a window that was slightly open.

The raven stood up. _Maybe if I make it quick…no—that's too reckless. But—_

"Ohohohoho—_oh my god—please--_"

Sasuke growled. "Gah! Forget it! Dobe needs me!" He jumped and barged through the window that was ajar.

"Dobe, I—" the raven began, but something caught him off mid-sentence.

He couldn't believe his eyes.

The inside literally looked like it had been hit by a tornado…or an earthquake…or a hurricane…or all of the above. But that wasn't what stopped Sasuke in his tracks and left him still standing on his toes on the windowsill. It was something…more.

Another raven, with big, black, bushy eyebrows, was on all fours on the floor…_naked. _But something else made Sasuke wonder even more: a tan, muscular body with bright blonde hair right below him…his lips locked with the bushy-browed raven's…

"_**WHAT THE--!?" **_the Uchiha sputtered.

Naruto moaned and slowly pulled back. He turned to look at Sasuke with a blank face and blinked.

The Uchiha's mouth gaped at the sight. He was so…so _appalled _and _furious _that he couldn't get himself to speak a word.

Suddenly, the kitsune's whiskered face flushed a bright pink and the latter chortled. "Hey!"

Lee turned and raised an eyebrow. "Wha--?"

The blonde sat up with a huge grin on his face. "Yo, _Sasuke_!" He laughed. "What's up, buddy?"

The raven shrank back, surprised at how _lightly _the dobe was taking this. He _really _wanted to kill him right now, but he was too angry to even _move. _

Right now, it was as if a big pot of rice was steaming in his brain…and steaming…and STEAMING. Sasuke clenched his fists and his teeth.

Naruto tilted his head, confused by the Uchiha's countenance. "…huh? Ne, Sasuke—you feelin' okay?"

No reply. The pot only continued to steam…and _steam_. The latter shifted his eyes to glare at the bushy-browed raven intently.

The kitsune raised an eyebrow. "Hey—what's wrong?"

Silence.

The blonde tilted his head again. "What's da matter, teme? …are you sick or something?" He mused for a moment and looked around the room. Finally, something caught what was left of his attention: a nearby broken barrel with multiple bottles of dark, red liquid. "Ah! I know what'll make ya feel better!" He turned and grabbed a bottle.

The raven's eyes widened. "What the heck—"

Naruto grinned. "Oi, Bushy Brow! Help meh open this thing!"

"Sure!" The drunk Lee took the bottle of liquor and stared at it.

The blonde raised an eyebrow. "Hey—whatcha waitin' for? Open the damn bottle already!"

The latter only stared blankly at the bottle.

"…oi—"

Suddenly, Rock Lee whipped his head back.

"Hey!"

BANG!

Sasuke slowly opened his eyes, only to see the bushy brow's forehead stuck on top of the bottle.

Suddenly, Lee whipped back his head. "_Owwwiiieee…_"

Naruto looked back at the latter, his forehead all frickin' red. "Ne, Bushy Brow! What the heck!?" He swiped the bottle away. "That's not how you open a…" Then, a small cork fell to the ground. "Huh?" He shifted his eyes back to Rock Lee. "Bushy Brow! You're a frickin' genius! In an idiotic way!"

"Ahh…" the latter blushed and sighed.

The raven rolled his eyes. "Oh my—"

The kitsune turned to stare at the bastard and began to stand up. "Oi! Teme!" He leaned on Lee's shoulder.

The Uchiha's eyes widened in disbelief. "_Dobe…_"

"Here!" The blonde was now on his feet and started to take a step forward. "Dis'll do da trick—whoa!"

There was a loud thud when Naruto fell flat on his face, dropping and breaking the empty bottle, which rolled next to what was left of Jack Sparrow.

At that moment, Sasuke sighed and walked over to the kitsune, who was still lying flat on the floor.

~O~

THUD!

The loud noise woke Captain Jack Sparrow up—or at least helped him regain consciousness.

"Ow…" Jack Sparrow thought. "Those lads sure do pack a punch…" He opened his eyes and looked around, his vision still a little blurry. After all, he was half-drunk. He searched until he felt something wet.

The pirate's eyes widened, and he looked down at his right hand. _Now that better not be… _He paused to see a dark red splotch on the floor. _Oh…it's just me rum. _His eyes bulged. _ME RUM!? What in Davy Jones's locker--!? _The long-haired pirate squinted more around the room, and saw that his secret stash of rum—the barrel had been broken. This made him look up to see the bushy brow and blonde, lying there…like _idiots. _Except now there was another lad, but what did he care?

He was just about to get up and make his escape until something black and shiny on the floor caught his eye. Jack's eyes widened. _The pearl! _He looked at the bruised mass that was Captain Barbossa, lying in the corner of the room. Sparrow smirked and looked back at the pearl. _At last… _Suddenly, the pirate froze when he saw the small treasure right between the blonde one's bare legs…

Jack rolled his eyes. _Really now? _He sighed. _Maybe if I do it quickly…wait—I better get something to protect meself in case they notice…or I __**could **__just kill him… _He looked around and picked up the broken bottle that had rolled next to him. _Perfect… _

Jack Sparrow went in for the kill…or the _pearl._

~O~

"Ah…dobe." Sasuke muttered, nudging Naruto's arm with his foot.

No response.

The raven sighed and bent down. Yes, of course he was still breathing. Then he shifted his eyes…downward. All he had to do was…

"OW!" the blonde instantly shot up.

The Uchiha smirked and blew on his finger as if it was a gun he'd used to shoot a big deer.

Naruto grumbled and whined. "Gah…! _Teme! _That frickin' HURT!" He rubbed his tan bottom.

Sasuke smirked again and raised an eyebrow. Now _that _did the trick.

The blonde sat up and growled at the raven. "Why you—"

The Uchiha snickered. "What?" He hadn't been this entertained in so long and now he really didn't want to interrupt.

The ktisune narrowed his eyes.

Sasuke snickered again. This was _glorious…just glorious. _He was just about to open his mouth to say something, when he felt a suddenly unknown presence nearby. It was so damn close…he could…_smell _it—and it wasn't pleasant at all. He wrinkled his nose at what smelled like crap from a rat's ass. Then, the latter noticed a hand reaching for the dobe's ass…

But Naruto was too drunk and oblivious to notice. He went on. "You frickin' bastard! I'm gonna frickin' kill—"

"GET DOWN!" Sasuke shouted, pulling the blonde out of the way as a broken bottle swung by.

"Gyaah!" the kitsune yelled. "Sasuke, what the hell—"

Immediately, the raven took out a kunai and blocked what was supposed to be the second blow.

The Uchiha grunted and looked up to see a long-haired man wearing the most ridiculous clothes you could ever imagine…and he looked very, very familiar to Sasuke. The latter pondered for a moment, then remembered. _Right—that dumbass captain who stole our village's stuff. Now—of all times… _He peered over the pirate's shoulder to search for the bushy-browed ninja, only to see that he was out cold. _That's just great… _He glanced at the blushing, drooling Naruto. _…and when my teammates are __**stoned**__, too… _

Sasuke sighed and narrowed his eyes at his opponent. "Yo—perverted baka—what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Getting my pearl back, that's what." He gestured to the blonde.

The Uchiha turned to look at the dobe.

Jack Sparrow grinned crookedly and took that chance to strike.

But Sasuke was too quick for him. _CLANG! _He blocked the attack again with his kunai, then swung his fist to punch Jack in the gut.

The latter fell to the floor and Sasuke swiped the broken bottle, aiming it right at the pirate. He was about to make his final move, when…

"HEY!" a male voice resounded.

Both turned to see where the voice had come from and saw a skinny, light-skinned brunette leaning against the door, sword in hand. "What in heaven's name is going on here?" He turned to see his comrade on the floor and Sasuke Uchiha, with the broken bottle in his hand. He then squinted at the raven to see a familiar emblem on his forehead protector—and even _he _could recognize the Konoha symbol.

The man rolled his eyes and sighed. "Jack!"

The latter mumbled something unintelligible from the floor.

"Don't 'mmm' me! I can see that you're being attacked again by Konoha ninjas, am I right?"

"Mmm-hmm…"

The man sighed again, and walked over to pick his friend up.

Jack Sparrow slightly guffawed and blushed a little. Okay…maybe he was more than _half _drunk.

The man looked back at the startled raven. "It's all right. You can put that down."

The raven eyed the man suspiciously, then dropped the bottle. He really didn't look all too hostile.

The latter stuck out his hand. "Will Turner: the _real _owner of this joint." He glanced at the Uchiha's teammates, who had passed out on the floor. "I assume you are here to take back those spices and goods, am I right?"

"Uh…" Sasuke began, caught off-guard by all this. "…yeah."

Will dug into his pocket and took out a set of keys. He tossed them to the raven. "Here—they're outside on my ship."

Again, the raven was puzzled and merely stood there.

Will scratched his head. "I'm truly sorry about all this. He does this all the time, and it's not just your village. Same old story." He shrugged, then glared at Jack. "Except this time, he had told me he had purchased these goods with his own money…but I guess he was hiding it all behind my back."

Sparrow mumbled.

"And while getting stoned, too!" He shifted his eyes towards Naruto and Lee. "I do apologize for what he's done to your friends—they should be all right in a few hours."

"C'mon, Will! It was just a few glasses of rum!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and looked down at the dobe. _...that's why...__**that moron**__…_

Will tugged on his comrade's arm. "Enough. Once again, you have disappointed me. _You _are sleeping on the floor—_tonight._"

Jack Sparrow grumbled.

The Uchiha sighed and picked up the half-awake blonde as well as the unconscious bushy brow. "We'll be going, then."

"Sorry again for all the trouble!" Will nudged his friend. "Apologize."

Jack grumbled. "….soh-reeee…" he slurred.

Sasuke nodded and walked back to his team's ship.

~O~

After an hour of lifting cargo boxes, the raven picked up his stoned teammates and brought them onto the ship.

Naruto guffawed.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Dobe."

The blonde snorted. "Ne, Sasuke?"

"Hn."

"You're mah _best _friend!" the kitsune slurred and guffawed again. "…and I _love _you!"

The Uchiha stiffened for a moment. _He better have meant that…_

Suddenly, he heard a retch and felt something wet sticky on his shirt. In an instant, he could smell a hint of rotten ramen and a bitter odor of…_rum. _

The raven groaned. His poor shirt.

Naruto coughed, then moaned. "Hey, teme?"

"Mm."

"My ass hurts like hell…and I feel like I'm gonna—" the blonde stopped mid-sentence and fell forward.

Sasuke leaned over to catch the kitsune in his pale arms. He sighed. _You just __**had **__to go get stoned, now didn't you? _He shifted his eyes towards the bushy brow. _**And **__get laid by that __idiot__… _He softened his gaze when he saw the tranquil look on his dobe's face. Right now he wanted to kiss those soft, tan lips…but it wouldn't be much use if he wasn't awake…and **drunk**, too.

The raven rolled his eyes and glared at Lee. _Jeez--you just __**had **__to go for __**him**__. Damn it—if you really feel that passionate, go fuck your friggin' girlfriend already—or at the very least, that frickin' pirate…just not __**dobe…**_

Rock Lee laughed, then rolled over on his side.

The Uchiha narrowed his eyes. _Yeah—the __**springtime of youth…**__right._

Naruto muttered and shuffled closer to Sasuke's chest.

The raven couldn't help but grin. _God, Naruto. You may be a total moron…_

The blonde sighed.

The Uchiha leaned down to kiss the kitsune's forehead. _…but at least you're __**my **__moron._

Naruto laughed.

~O~

Sasuke looked up to see that they had finally arrived at their home village. He sighed. _Phew...thank __**God **__this whole thing's over…_

The raven was just about to lean his head back to relax when he thought he saw a tiny pink dot out in the distance. As they got closer…he could see that it was a girl with light pink hair and green eyes…and a scowl on her face. It was none other than Sakura Haruno, the most annoying bitch in the whole village…or at least, that's what Sasuke considered her to be.

The Uchiha sighed and turned to look at the drooling bushy brow, still sleeping peacefully. He rolled his eyes. _Well, I guess you're a lucky man, Lee, 'cause here's your girlfriend now waiting patiently for __**you**__. _He shifted his eyes back to the scowling Sakura.

Finally, they had reached a nearby dock and the ship came to a stop.

Sakura narrowed her eyes. "Where. Is. **Lee?**"

Sasuke sighed and looked down.

The pink-haired kunoichi clenched her teeth. "Don't just stand there like a total idiot! Where the hell is he?"

…_did I forget to mention how pissed off she still is at me for leaving the village?_

"Hey! Earth to SA-SU-KE! Where is he?" She lifted her wrist to reveal a small watch. "He was supposed to meet me at the café more than three hours ago!" Sakura shrieked.

The raven rolled his eyes in annoyance. _I'm __**really **__not in the mood to fuck with this bitch… _He turned and picked up the snoring Lee, throwing him overboard towards the kunoichi. "Here."

Sakura shrank back in surprise and clumsily caught her boyfriend.

Sasuke then walked over and picked up the sleeping blonde

"Uh…" Sakura mumbled as she looked up and saw the Uchiha, carrying his dobe like a blushing bride.

The raven smirked. "He's all yours—fuck with him all you want--just don't ever bring him back _or _ask what happened to him, 'cause _I _don't even know." He turned to walk away, then stopped briefly for a moment. "Hey…Sakura?"

"Yeah?"

"Another thing…could you let that old geezer know we're here and that we've taken care of those pirates, plus gotten back all her spices?"

"Uh…sure…" Sakura mumbled, struck baffled by this…er…awkward arrangement.

"Thanks." Sasuke then left for the kitsune's apartment.

_~O~_

_Well…at least that's taken care of… _the Uchiha thought, carrying the blonde up the steps. _Now for the other bitch…_

He opened the door and stepped inside, taking of his sandals. The first thing he heard was a bang, and then saw a tan brunette with red marks on his face stumbling over in his direction.

"Yo! Naruto!" the drunk Kiba Inuzuka slurred. "I just finished that last bottle of sake you had! Now do you, by chance, have any vodka—" The brunette immediately stopped mid-sentence and scowled at the raven.

"…_**you**__…"_

The Uchiha smirked. "Yeah—of course it's me, you son of a bitch."

Kiba shrank back. "Uchiha! What the hell do ya think you're doin' with mah main _squeeze_? Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for that guy? What makes you think you can just waltz in here like a...a _ballerina_?"

…_wow, is he really __**that **__drunk?_

The brunette chortled. "Yeah! A frickin' prissy ballerina wearin' a frilly pink tutu! AHAHAHA! Hey, Mr. Bigglesworth, can I have a biscuit—"

"Do you have any idea of how I don't give a rat's ass?" Sasuke immediately cut in. "At least _I'm _not the slimy, slutty bitch here."

Kiba immediately stopped laughing. "Hey. …now _that _really ticks me off, Uchiha." At that moment, he put his fists up like a boxer. "You wanna tussle!?"

The raven raised an eyebrow. "Hn. I would…" He looked down at the blonde. "…but dobe here would hate me if I did."

The brunette smirked. "What? That pussy? C'mon, Uchiha…you're not _that _much of a kitten, now are ya?" Kiba guffawed and snorted. "Meow! I'm Sasuke Uchiha and I'm such a pussy that wears pink tutus and dances like a friggin' eggplant! Meow!"

Sasuke couldn't help but chuckle a little at the far-fetched comment. However, he was getting a little serious now. The latter looked down at the kitsune, asleep in his pale arms, and looked back at the laughing dog.

"Hn. …you're real funny, you know that? So why don't you just get out and join the circus or something?"

Kiba shrugged. "Wish I could, Uchiha, but I gots some business to take care of with that pussy ya got there." He guffawed again, slightly unzipping his pants.

The raven immediately froze. _NO. FRICKIN' WAY. _This time, he had a menacing scowl on his face.

"Aww…what's wrong, Uchiha? Is the kitty gonna _cry_?" the brunette drawled.

"Hn." The Uchiha responded. Then he walked over to Naruto's bedroom, passing the drunk dog.

"YO!" Kiba yelled. "I'm right here, ya know! Hahahaha!"

Sasuke stopped for a moment and paused.

"What's the matter? _Cat _got your tongue? Hahahaha!"

The raven smirked. "Hn. …last chance, dog—I'm giving you ten seconds to get your ass out of here."

Kiba guffawed. "Or _what_?"

Sasuke whirled around to face the brunette. "…or…I'll tell Shino about that night of…**passion** you had at the Tatami Garden…with **Shikamaru**."

The brunette immediately stopped laughing. "Hey…how the hell did you know about that?"

The Uchiha smirked. "Oh, I have my sources…like Ino, for example. …and Hinata, of course."

Inuzuka gasped. "She didn't!"

Sasuke grinned slyly. "Oh yes, she did. You _do _know she's still pissed off at you for running away with Shino?"

"Hey! Shino's the one who friggin' dragged me away! Do you _know _how commanding he can be? …sheesh—those frickin' bugs just make me shudder…"

"And do you want him to be even _more _demanding, especially when he finds out what you _did_ with Shikamaru that night?"

"…crap…you got me there, Uchiha." He held his hands up in mock surrender.

"Oh, right." The raven said. "It's past ten seconds now, right? Oh well…since you're still here…"

"Gah! All right! I'll go, I'll go!"

The Uchiha chuckled. "I thought so." He watched as the door slammed.

The latter looked back down at the kitsune. "Well…that takes care of your problem now, dobe." He slowly opened the bedroom door and carefully placed Naruto down on his bed. Then he lay down beside him from the other side and gently stroked the soft, blonde hair. _…I think I like it better when he's asleep...although I __**do **__sort of miss his loud, annoying voice… _

Sasuke yawned and after a few minutes, fell asleep next to his dobe.

_(2:00 a.m.)_

"Hey!"

The raven groaned and pushed a pillow against his ear.

"Hey! Teme!"

The Uchiha sighed and opened his eyes. "…_what? _What the hell do you want, Sleeping Beauty?_"_

Naruto groaned and scratched his head. "Is the mission done _already? _How'd we get here so quickly? …and why does my ass hurt so much?"

"You should answer that yourself, Mr. Let's-split-up-so-I-can-get-stoned-and-laid-by-some-horny, bushy-browed pervert."

"Huh?" the kitsune blinked. "Teme, what the heck are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me, you moron."

Naruto blinked again. "…wha—"

"Oh, come on—even that Inuzuka dog was waiting for you with his pants halfway down."

"Sasuke, what are you—"

"Don't fuck with me," he spoke coldly, pulling the covers and burying his face in his pillow.

There was silence between them for a while.

Finally, the blonde shuffled closer to the raven and put his arms around him.

"…I'm sorry, teme…"

No answer.

"…_really _sorry."

Silence.

"Please, teme, I—"

No response.

"Oh, _come on, _you bastard, you know I didn't mean—"

Dead silence.

"Teme…"

Nothing.

Naruto growled, then snuggled his head against the Uchiha's shoulder. "…you know I love you, right?"

There was a pause, and then the raven spoke. "…what makes you think I can believe you now?"

"Oh come on, teme! I'll do anything to prove it to ya!"

Sasuke smirked. "…_anything?"_

"Yeah!" the blonde responded.

The Uchiha turned to face the kitsune. Then he lightly placed his hand over the latter's forehead. "You sure you're not drunk anymore?"

The blonde pushed the raven's hand away. "Hell no! I--"

Naruto stopped mid-sentence when his lips suddenly met smooth, pale ones.

The raven sighed and pulled back. "…do your worst."

In that instant, the blonde pounced on top of the Uchiha and slowly began to take off his shirt. Soon, he could see the raven's bare chest shining in the moonlight and then he started to unzip the latter's shorts. However, Sasuke could see that the kitsune's hands were…shaking in the process. He then took that moment to roll over on top of the blonde.

"Hey!"

Sasuke smiled. "Did I ever tell you how much you suck at topping?"

Naruto whined.

"Hn. Let _me _take over for the night…" He pressed his lips against the kitsune's.

The blonde let out a sigh as he felt the Uchiha's cool tongue wrap around his. This incited the raven even more and soon, a shining, alabaster hand slowly made its way under the orange shirt.

Naruto moaned and fervently pressed his lips harder against the ivory ones, tightly clutching Sasuke's shirt.

The Uchiha grunted and slightly pulled back, pulling the orange shirt off and making his way down the dobe's pants. He was about to touch the blonde's erection when…

"Ungh!" a voice howled.

The two immediately stopped to look at each other.

"What the—"

"Ungh!"

"Who the hell—"

"Oh!"

The blonde raised an eyebrow. "I don't remember having any neighbors upstairs!"

"Uh…" the raven trailed off.

"What, teme!? Don't tell me you had anything to do with this!"

"…uh…yes, no…_or maybe so_."

"WHAT!?"

"Oh, _yes! _Right there, Lee! Ungh!"

The kitsune narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the Uchiha.

"What?"

No response.

Sasuke sighed. "All right, all right. I ended up telling Sakura what happened—you know how bitchy and violent she is—and she got really pissed, so…I did them a favor."

Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"Er…I sort of gave them the upstairs room for the night…but I promise I'll pay for it, dobe!"

There was a long pause, then the kitsune broke out laughing. "That lucky bastard!"

The Uchiha sighed in relief, then smirked. "Yeah, and that pink-haired _slut._"

"_Ungh!"_

This time, both of them laughed, until Naruto threw his Gamakichi alarm clock at the ceiling. "Oi, lovebirds! I know someone probably told ya to 'get a room' and everything, but that doesn't mean you should wake up the dead with your ministrations! I mean, not _everyone _needs to know about your fuckin' passion! Keep it down!"

Silence. Then there was a shuffle. "Sorry, Naruto!" Lee apologized.

Soon, all they could hear were the slight creaking of the bed upstairs.

The two laughed again and sighed, gazing into each other's eyes.

For a second, the blonde was entranced by the raven's deep, ebony eyes…until suddenly, he felt ice-cold hands touch his bare thighs and he let out a yelp. "God, teme! Why the hell do your hands have to be so frickin' cold? Are you a frickin' vampire or something!?"

Sasuke chuckled. "Aw, dobe, come on—I'm not _that _heartless." He made his way down the blonde's thighs, pulling both his pants and his boxers off.

"Hey—let me finish too." The kitsune took that moment to finish unzipping the Uchiha's shorts and pulling them down his legs. God—he looked so awesome when the moonlight lit his skin (and no—not _dazzling _like frickin' Edward Cullen XD).

Then, the raven took the tan face in his hands once again and locked his lips with the dobe's once more, this kiss being even more fervent.

The blonde groaned earnestly and pulled himself closer to Sasuke. The Uchiha grunted and leaned down against Naruto's bare neck. Then, he stuck out his tongue and slightly ran it down, tasting the kitsune's luscious, caramel-colored flesh.

"Oh…Sasuke…"

This prompted the raven even more, and he took that chance to run his hands down the tan skin..until he finally reached a warm, tight member.

Naruto gasped and moaned as he felt the Uchiha's cool hand slowly brushing against his erection. "Sasuke.."

"Not yet." Suddenly, the raven pulled the blonde closer to him and moved his hand all the way over to his ass. The blonde gasped as he felt five cold fingers enter the small crevice. Soon, he felt the Uchiha's hard cock thrust deep into the gap.

"Oh! Teme! At least use some lube!"

The Uchiha chuckled. "No…I don't think I won't…and _that's _your punishment for getting drunk without me."

"Ah—ooh!" Naruto moaned and sighed.

The Uchiha chuckled again. "Count on limping the whole day tomorrow."

"Gah!" the kitsune groaned, his face flushing a bright red and sweat drops beginning to form behind his ears. "Fuck, Sasuke—"

"What, you want more, dobe? All right then…if you say so…" At that moment, he began thrusting even harder and deeper…and _faster, _too.

Naruto moaned. "Sasuke, please—I think I'm gonna—"

"Not yet_._"

The blonde groaned, his lips parting after every thrust. "Teme, _please, _I—"

"_NOT. YET." _The raven replied with a sharp tone.

Naruto whined. "But _teme…_"

Instead of replying, the Uchiha merely tightened his grip around the red, hard erection.

The latter gasped, his nails digging into the raven's ivory back. "Sasuke—_please, _I'm gonna—"

"I told you, dobe—NOT. YET."

But poor Naruto couldn't hold it in any longer.

"…_cum…_" the blonde groaned. Suddenly, ribbons of semen spurted out of the tan member and onto the raven's face.

"Aw, dobe!" the Uchiha groaned. Then, he briefly licked the drops that had landed on his lips. "Well, at least it doesn't taste bad." He smacked his lips. "Mmm…tastes like **lemon crème pie**…with a hint of cinnamon in the middle."

"Oh, shut up!" Naruto moaned, panting breathlessly on the covers.

Sasuke chuckled.

_(One hour later)_

"Hn."

"What?"

"Guess I actually _did _get some sexy time out of you."

"Huh? What—wait—how did you get Kiba--"

The raven smirked. "Oh, him—that _dog. _…I just threatened him with a little…_love. _You know…in the garden…with **Shikamaru.**"

Naruto snorted. "AHAHAHAHAHA! Why didn't _I _think of that?"

"'Cause you're a dobe."

"Oh, shut up, teme!"

The Uchiha chuckled.

It was silent again between the two of them.

Then, Naruto turned to look at the full moon outside. "…hey, teme?"

"Hm?"

"…I'm sorry again about earlier…"

"…hn. For the umpteenth time, dobe—it's all right."

"Mmm…"

At that moment, the raven's eyes softened, and he wrapped his arms around the blonde. "You wanna know why?"

"…why?"

"…because…you _may _be the biggest **dobe **I've ever seen…"

"…"

The Uchiha chuckled. "…but you're _my _dobe."

The kitsune looked at Sasuke, who now had a grin on his face.

"…and always will be."

Naruto smiled.

"…and you wanna know something else?"

"What?"

"Rum doesn't always conquer everything."

"…"

"_Love _conquers all."

Naruto snickered.

"What?"

"Pshh—wow, teme—I didn't know you could be that cliché."

"Shut up."

The blonde laughed.

"…at least _I'm _not the one who got laid by a bushy-browed _fool._"

"Hey! I said I was sorr—"

"…_and _got cum all over his spandex, too."

Naruto shrank back for a moment. "…huh? What the hell are you talkin' about, tem—"

BANG.

"OW!"

The kitsune's eyes immediately shot up at the ceiling. "Uh…"

Silence.

.

.

…_then…_

CRASH!

"_**NARUTO!!!"**_ a shrill voice roared. "I'm gonna kill you!!!"

At that moment, footsteps could be heard on the stairwell by the blonde's room.

The raven chuckled. "…you're in for it now."

Naruto glared at Sasuke. "You bastard!" He looked at the door. "…_shit…_Sakura sounds really pissed at me…" He shifted his gaze towards the Uchiha. "Well, don't just _sit _there!" The blonde jumped behind the raven. "…_help me…"_

**BANG. **

A scowling, pink-haired girl wearing only a panty and bra stood in the doorway. "WHERE. IS. HE?"

"Ahh!" the blonde whimpered behind the raven, who shuffled over.

"Hn. All yours—just don't scratch the paint."

Narutowhipped his head up. "…_WHAT!? _Teme! You traitor! I'm gonna kill you for this later!"

But before he could get a reply, Sakura immediately grabbed the blonde's head and yanked him out of the bed, not caring if he was only wearing a pair of boxers.

SLAM.

Sasuke let out a sigh and rolled over on his back, arms resting behind his head.

…_sorry, dobe…but that's wasn't the only punishment you'd get for cheating on me…_

CRASH.

"AHAHA—OW!" the kitsune yelled.

The raven smirked and dozed off to sleep.

* * *

**Author's Notes: **Phew...finito! XD _Finally—_according to **Silver **XD Thanks again for beta-ing this fic! XDDDD And another thing—I lied XDDD That was _really _CRACKY XDDDD But I still hoped you all enjoyed this! (btw I started all this on a snow day in what, _February, _and ended up finishing now, when it's already spring XDDD Blame my daily ass-load of homework! XD) So yeah—this is my imagination gone wild. XDDD

Please review! …unless you've already passed out from an epic nosebleed OwO which I hope you didn't ^^" Aw, who am I kidding? Even _I _got a nosebleed from writing this crack—especially since part of it was my first written lemon OwO So yeah—my brain totally got raped by a rainbow XDDD

Anyway—PLEASE REVIEW! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I BEG OF YOUUU!!! ^w^

.::~*Kitsune*~::.


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